The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
