She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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