all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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