my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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