Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Randomize
