I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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