Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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