so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I have already put on my inside pants.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
