she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize