In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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