Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
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can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
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We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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