the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
