Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Someone shattered a urinal.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
