Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
