i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize