Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
