It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
