Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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