direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
