pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
