umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
