Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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