OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
