Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
