This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
