i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
The best revenge is premature balding
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
