I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
