dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
