just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Can you repeat that, but with context?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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