would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
