i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
