it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
