my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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