NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...