Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(908): View more from New Jersey

Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.

(908): View more from New Jersey

Fuck I'm high.

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(908): Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles. (908): Fuck I'm high. http://tfl.nu/titc

Replies (56) Good night (1609) Bad night (3299)
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(323): View more from California

may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.

(818): View more from California

First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.

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(323): may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in. (818): First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats. http://tfl.nu/s5xw

Replies (41) Good night (7602) Bad night (548)
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(619): View more from California

you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.

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(619): you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you. http://tfl.nu/x6wp

Replies (9) Good night (5825) Bad night (524) Order T-Shirt
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(973): View more from New Jersey

he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.

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(973): he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade. http://tfl.nu/270g

Replies (20) Good night (1422) Bad night (5397)
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(918): View more from Oklahoma

they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks

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(918): they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks http://tfl.nu/5j5t

Replies (27) Good night (1094) Bad night (6954) Order T-Shirt
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(360): View more from Washington

Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.

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(360): Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised. http://tfl.nu/xha6

Replies (45) Good night (1799) Bad night (3692) Order T-Shirt
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(815): View more from Illinois

But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.

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(815): But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON. http://tfl.nu/hgck

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms

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(412): I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms http://tfl.nu/sbef

Replies (18) Good night (3692) Bad night (1021) Order T-Shirt
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(260): View more from Indiana

After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.

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(260): After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing. http://tfl.nu/bjii

Replies (24) Good night (859) Bad night (2417) Order T-Shirt
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(618): View more from Illinois

I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.

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(618): I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy. http://tfl.nu/it0x

Replies (6) Good night (2298) Bad night (556)
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(678): View more from Georgia

You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.

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(678): You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk. http://tfl.nu/2vvu

Replies (3) Good night (820) Bad night (1224) Order T-Shirt
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(910): View more from North Carolina

I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.

(910): View more from North Carolina

My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.

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(910): I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford. (910): My sex life and finances are equally in shambles. http://tfl.nu/5ti1

Replies (4) Good night (565) Bad night (1066)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.

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(603): Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up. http://tfl.nu/6dgm

Replies (2) Good night (674) Bad night (616) Order T-Shirt
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(719): View more from Colorado

I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.

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(719): I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in. http://tfl.nu/k5k2

Replies (11) Good night (2143) Bad night (782) Order T-Shirt
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(516): View more from New York

Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.

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(516): Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips. http://tfl.nu/dsdr

Replies (4) Good night (532) Bad night (230) Order T-Shirt

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