Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity