Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Randomize
