covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
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Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize