6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
