soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
