Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
