Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just forgot I was standing up.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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