Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
