I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
