My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
