mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
