Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
