then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Randomize
