I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
