I think scott just propositioned me for sex
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
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We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
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Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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