Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
