Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
