Pants 0. Shit 1.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
