shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
