Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
