I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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