I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
