dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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