that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
