Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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