How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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