Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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