Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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