the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
