I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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