He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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