i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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