He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
