well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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