Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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