Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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