went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
All the doctor said was why
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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